I Am the One

On the day before the day most people declare loving everything and everyone. I am not loving at all. Not loving my hair as I sit here detangling a week long two strand. Not loving the processed meal I just nuked. Not loving my neighbors playing that load ass music. Not loving the fact that just got paid, yet I am already broke.
But really. I am not loving, not loving that fact that for the past few years have been, and excuse ,my language. No, on second thought, I will be frank; I’m not loving the fact that I have been dicked over by life.
I am one of the lovable, but not forever lovable ones.
I am the one sitting at the table alone after an, oh I can’t make it text. I am the I will call you when no one else picks up chic. I am the oh yeah, by the way it is 2 days before Christmas and I know you came to the office alone, but sorry to tell you you have MS chic. I am the one who can’t get ahead because I owe student loans I took out for the purpose of getting ahead (no parent paid tuition or scholarships here). I am the one who is always there to help only to see others come up and succeed and become too “busy” for me and me being me, I tell them congratufreakinlations.
I am the one who everyone wants to lean on for emotional support or advice, but the one who has no one to vent to but this damn blog, lol. I am the one who went to the gym today with one shoe and one sock, funny huh. Ok, this you can laugh at, really. It was funny trying to play it off once I got dressed and quickly left the gym heading home with my work shoes on and sweats. I am the one who negotiated a great deal to get into a sure to be packed new and expecting mom expo ( I am in marketing) knowing full well that I will be fighting back tears the entire time because I desire now more than ever what can’t have, a child/family, damn ovaries. DAMMIT!

I am the one who will not hear I love you or even have a good day from the only one I will ever completely love. I hate that I love so hard. Life was hard but beautiful when he and I were we. I am the one who has had the life drained out of my by my first friend, my mom, only for her to now decide after I am damn near forty that she wants to move back closer to home to care for her mom, now I can have my own life huh. I wish her well in whatever she chooses, she drives me up a wall, but I love her.

I am the one sitting here at 11:30 writing a blog.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I am not LOVE, but boy do I want it.

 

Is it really what it is?

One word
SCARED

Acceptance

Ok, so there is a difference between aprreciating all that has been so graciously bestowed upon you and accepting what just may be.
I used to believe that this was one in the same until experincing some major changes in my own life. I subconsciously accepted what I thought just was. I let love walk away, I was fighting myself instead fighting for needless to say. All the while watching those whose darts and daggers held me down flourish. The only thing is that the one holdindg the biggest dagger was me.
What may just well be are all of the shoulda,coulda,wouldas in life. This is is not to say that hope for what you desire is gone. As crazy as it seems I still hold on to hope and the faith of a mustard seed; that’s all I need right. Nor is it saying that your acceptance of what you do have and your present abilities are all that there is to be for you.
Ok, perhaps I can make this a little more elementary.
DON’T EVER GIVE UP. We are all smarter, stronger, braver, and more beautiful than we think. The scars of our lives have the ability to fade just a a flesh wound.

Accept the fact that you don’t have to accept. LOVE IT!

OPDO

Just sitting here thinking about all of the wonderful advice I have been given throughout my life, on, life, love, education jobs, etc. It is amazing how some do not realize, that I AM MY OWN PERSON, fully capable of making my own choices, and embracing my OWN feelings.

 Is it really optional to choose between pink and yellow, or are the decisions we make in this life solely determined by the ever present culprit – OPDO (Other People’s Damn Opinions)?

I will admit listening to OPDO has gotten me nowhere fast. Sure OPDO has a flirtatious grin, is the epitome of success from a social analytical aspect. OPDO is multi ethnic, multiracial, and unisex. OPDO dresses well, has A + credit, and would prove to be successful even without that degree. OPDO has that 4 BR/2 car garage home financed on a perfect 3.9% loan rate. Ha, must be nice right. In addition, OPDO always seems to know where to be and when to be there; just in time to lend you a word of advice.

But you know what? OPDO, is just what it is. It is what feeds our insecurities, it is what leads us to believe that impossible dreams come true, it is what halts the progress of bright minds and once fearless hearts, I mean after all, who can truly live up to the expectations of OPDO? The answer…

Oh ok, I will go ahead and tell you.

The truth of the matter is that OPDO don’t even live up to themselves, so in knowing this, have you own, mind, your own thoughts and your own opinions and takes others’ with a grain of salt. This is not to say that the influence of others is all bad, and opinionated comments can prove at times to be good. However, without your own to compare it to, you have nothing.

Think about it! But then again, this is merely my opinion.

 Luv IT!

New Project

What do you think? I was thinking I needed a new hobby, like hell, lol. Anyhow, this is what I have been up to.
I made 6, all different, and sent then home to OH. How nice of me, I know. Luv IT!

Happy New Year 2012

Just wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year! Thank you for hanging in there with me through my randomness.
Oh Yeah- Luv IT!
2012 YEAR OF ALIGNMENT-we shall see. Be blessed.

I’m taking back my body

Decided to get fit, I am starting with Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred- Looks like it will be tough, but I can handle it. I want it enough. This is my first step before joining another gym to maintain. Let’s see what a $10 investment can do. Love IT!

WATCH MY VID DAY 3

Jrai Naturally for You product update

I have been experimenting for a long while working to improve the JRai line and wanted to share with you my latest.  This will be a conditioning serum  meant to use as an after wash leave-in but also for twisting and setting hair for optimal definition. I have not named it yet, but I will tell you that it is rich with oils and it does not contain water or aloe juice as it is a serum. 

 

Other updates: lovechild hair and body butter will remain the same, there will be a newly formulated hair conditioner, hair and body oil, body butter, baby cream, moisturizing hair cream, and a light leave-in conditioner. Wow, that is intimidating, but you know what? I am confident I can pull it off. Thank you for your support and patience as I strive to provide you with the best.

HAIR GREASE AND NATURAL HAIR

So, if you tune in to my YouTube Channel then you are aware of the fact that I recently did a review on the TCB Naturals Hair and Scalp Conditioner (hair grease). Why you ask? Yes, I know I know; grease has petroleum and mineral oil and a whole lot of other ingredients not exactly considered to be natural. Well I just wanted to give it a try, hair grease has been a topic of discussion among naturals as of late, to use or not to use. My thoughts, use. Grease can be a great addition to your arsenal of product if used properly for YOUR hair type and texture. Although I am not a huge fan of the one I purchased, I will look to see what else is out there that my suit me better.

my assessment:

1. Uses – sealant, twisting (definition of wave or curl), sheen
2. Application – applied to hair only, applied to wet hair
3. Texture - dry but creamy- I do not like the feel of it on my fingers or hair when applying
4. Scent – light and fruity
5. Ingredient highlight - olive oil (although not much)
6. Would I buy again? – no, not this one at lease, but I will use it as not to waste

Bentonite Clay on Natural Hair Review